With so many hopes and fears we can bring to our dates, it’s no wonder we can often times get in our own way. If you’re prone to bad dates, you may start assuming straight off the bat that the person is terrible for you, and if you’re prone to falling in love quickly, you may wind up wasting your time in dead-end relationships. Here are three ways to keep your eyes open, and your heart open-minded, during the early stages of dating.
1. Clarify First, Listen Second
Before you go out on a date, you have to clarify what you’re looking for (i.e., your personal deal-breakers). This doesn’t mean your priorities can’t change, but it does mean that you need to have some guidelines in mind. Once you do, you can start listening to how your dates view life, and whether or not they’re compatible with your views.
2. Body Language Counts
Everyone is trying to make a good first impression in the first few months, but people can’t hide forever. There are hints if you allow yourself to observe. If something seems fishy at the beginning, listen to your intuition. If you can’t get a satisfactory answer, don’t just ignore or dismiss it.
3. Stop Assuming Your Assumptions Are Correct
You will miss out on so much if you stick with your assumptions and preconceived notions, which admittedly can be difficult to do. Just because your date is conservative doesn’t mean they want to pass out guns at every street corner. Just because the person says they care about fitness, doesn’t mean they’re personally attacking your weight or lifestyle. And just because they say they care about commitment, doesn’t mean they want to get married in the next year or two.
You’re playing a very delicate balancing act when dating, which is why so many people make mistakes in the beginning. It’s neither effective to attempt to force the other person to tell the truth, nor to grill the person about their intentions. If staying true to yourself is important though, it’s extremely well-serving to maintain both an open-heart and open eyes.
About Jasbina Ahluwalia
She is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host, and Matchmaker/Dating Coach.
A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Huffington Post, and Entrepreneur Magazine.
She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern, and Columbia.
Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School.
To learn about Intersections Match by Jasbina, please visit: www.IntersectionsMatch.com.
Jasbina can be contacted at email@example.com.