Before you pass on a second date with a man, consider these five things you are unlikely to discover about a potential partner on a first date.
1. How he interacts with you when he’s not nervous.
Regardless of how he seems on your first date, it is likely he is nervous about the prospect of meeting you face-to-face. He wants to make a favorable first impression, without seeming arrogant. He wants to leave the door open for a second date, without seeming desperate. These factors and others may be received differently than they were intended. In a second date, the nerves are calmed and you are both able to be yourself.
2. How he treats the most important people in his life.
It is impossible to see how he interacts with his parents, his friends, his siblings, or his coworkers on a first date. The way he treats those he is closest to will reveal a lot about how he will treat you in the long run.
3. Details about his past relationships.
Along the same lines, a first date is not the place to discover what happened in his previous relationships. If he is divorced, he is unlikely to reveal on a first date why the relationship ended. If he has children, he is unlikely to talk about their mother on a first date. Giving him the benefit of the doubt about his past relationship on the first date can help him feel comfortable enough to open up in subsequent interactions. Then you can decide whether to continue seeing him based on all of the necessary information.
4. How his job affects his personal life.
Professional success often bleeds into a person’s personal life. If he is successful at what he does for a living, but seems distant or inattentive, he may have a project due at work or a work trip coming up. Give him a chance to separate the two parts of his life before writing him off as “disinterested” or “a workaholic.”
5. How much time he is willing to invest in getting to know you.
Even if you have been texting or talking on the phone before, think of a first date as a beginning rather than a make-or-break point. Men who treat your interactions after that initial meeting as a priority rather than an obligation tend to make great friends, if not partners. Give him another chance to make an impression.
About Jasbina Ahluwalia
She is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host, and Matchmaker/Dating Coach.
A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Huffington Post, and Entrepreneur Magazine.
She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern, and Columbia.
Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School.
To learn about Intersections Match by Jasbina, please visit: www.IntersectionsMatch.com.
Jasbina can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.