Dear Missing Something: I so much appreciate your honesty in your question and the explanation of your life. It is not easy to admit the struggles with your past and the fact that you were looking for your husband to help define your identity for you.

Missing, I also so much admire your courage, faith and strength to change the path of your life and find contentment for yourself, with or without your husband. Your new perspective reflects a maturity and great strength that many women your age never achieve.

Missing, it seems that you are definitely on the right path and that your life, marriage and confidence is on an upward direction. I understand that you still feel trapped and that you are still searching for a deeper meaning in your life and your marriage. Depending on a person’s personal motivation and aspiration, it is not uncommon to never stop searching, looking and hoping for more in your marriage and individual life. For us to expect for our life journey to finally reach this level of complete contentment and for everything to be at a level of no complaint or wonder is unrealistic. Missing, the way I have learned to view my own life, is that if I can count more blessings than mishaps, I am indeed blessed and should continue looking and reaching forward. Let’s look at your life for a second: Both you and your husband are healthy and employed, with good jobs. Your children or healthy and growing up to be normal and happy young men, the abuse from your childhood has not continued in your marriage and present life, you have began to establish more valuable friendships and as a result have began to have more peace and joy than before, and you and your husband are now closer friends. Now I know that life is still a struggle and I can imagine that oftentimes you may feel empty, but from the eyes and perspective of the rest of us looking at you, your life seems pretty good. Missing, as humans, we always want what we don’t have. And I know that you married very young, and it is normal for you to wonder how life would have been different if you had remained single longer. However, I can’t help but wonder if your marriage was not a gift from God and a way to rescue you from the abuse of your childhood.


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