Date to Date vs. Date to Marry

Just about every girl dreams about that one special guy coming into her life and sweeping her off her feet, but sometimes when the wait gets to be too long, we add a little spice into our love lives: While waiting for Mr. Right we make some time for Mr. Right Now. Times have changed and so has the South Asian mindset. No longer are we dating just to get married, we are also dating just to have fun. It seems that each time a woman is on a date, her thinking, behavior, and her personality differs according to the person she is with, and what she perceives the potential of the relationships to be. Many have had dates where they can’t even remember the name of guy they had dinner with, and then there are those other types that are simply unforgettable. The question it all comes down to is: Are we dating to date or dating to marry?

THE FIRST BIG DATE

When preparing for the first date many thoughts go through a woman’s mind. "I like to take things slow when I know I am with a guy that I am more serious about," says graphic designer, Anaya. "I act a certain way to please the other person." Usually with a hookup, there isn’t even a first date, more than likely, it occurs randomly at places like a bar or club. With a fling, it’s more about what the woman wants, she is usually a bit more in control and, one might even say, selfish when it comes to demanding what she wants. Just by the first date, it becomes obvious to a woman what kind of relationship she wants from the guy. Either her date is marriage potential or just a hook-up.

SERIOUS POTENTIAL

Serious relationships have the power to give one butterflies in the stomach. It seems that South Asian women tend to behave more proper and a little more reserved during the first few dates. In other words, if they are going out with a person who is husband material, they don’t want to make any type of mistake. "The first time I went out with this guy I was really serious about, I couldn’t even eat anything," says Neeta. "I was so nervous and didn’t want to say something stupid." We worry that the first impression we make is ever lasting, that it can make or break the relationship. This decides our behavior. When it comes to a maybe-hubby, out comes the batting of the lids, coy demeanor and shy and soft-spoken debutante. "I think girls act different because they don’t want to mess anything up with a guy they might have a chance with," said Isha, a pharmacy student. "Decent guys, one we can take home to our parents, are difficult to find these days."

IT’S A FLING THING

Then there is the guy a woman isn’t too serous about. With him, she will be more flirtatious, bold and open. "If you find a good looking guy that you know you have no future with, sometimes it is better to keep them on the side," adds Naina, a business student. Why not, right? Just because there is no future, doesn’t mean that there can’t be a present. And that is the difference between Mr. Right, and Mr. Right Now. This guy is a quick fix, a snack to sustain you till it’s real meal time. "I think I would probably end up hooking up with the guy I am having a fling with earlier on in the relationship compared to a guy I am serious about. I would want everything with someone I am serious about to be special, and the guy that I am having a fling with is just there for fun, someone to keep me busy for a while," explains Naina.

THE SIGNS

It is very difficult to read to the signs of what the other person wants from a relationship. You don’t want to invest your time in a guy who isn’t serious about you. Pay attention to his attitude. Does he act vague about his feelings, not share his plans with you, and avoids introducing you to his friends. These are signs that the guy is only interested in hooking up. "A guy that cares will want to be incorporated into your plans and will want to introduce you to his friends," says Isha. "You have to react to guys in the manner that they treat or approach you," says Naina. "Varun was amazingly sweet and wanted to get to know me. There was no rush in anything. He didn’t have his mind set on getting something out of me. He wanted to become friends and slowly we approached another level. It was intimate," she continues. "But Karan was just a guy who wanted to mess around," says Naina. "He didn’t want to get to know me, so I behaved in the same way. He just wanted to hook up, no strings attached, no commitment. That was fine with me too"

IT’S GETTING SERIOUS

Some girls feel that they can’t be physical with a guy unless they are serious about him. "When I decide to be physical with another person, I like to make sure that the other person is just as serious about me as I am about them," says Sania, a computer programmer. "For me personally, it is difficult to go out with someone and just sleep around with them. I like to have an emotional connection along with the physical part of the relationship." On the other hand, some girls don’t mind getting hot and heavy right after a few dates. "For me, what is more important is the connection I feel at the moment," says graphic designer Kavita. "If I feel comfortable talking to a person and am attracted to them, then I don’t mind being physical with them."

But it’s always a pleasant surprise when what one thinks is a fling evolves into a meaningful relationship. Suddenly even though there were no games played and the usual manner of courtship weren’t followed, the fling transforms into a relationship. Relationships always have their highs and lows, but the way the relationship is going to progress is, ultimately in a person’s hands. Whether you are with Mr. Right or Mr. Right now, the important thing to remember is not to confuse the two. That being said, don’t let it stop you from exploring your possibilities.

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